What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize