Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fuck me I smell like cheese
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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