do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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