Im at strip club and am horny
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My ass is underappreciated
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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