Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
