I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
