I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
