She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
