I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I am available for nakedness
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
wow bdsm is so cute
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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