I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
there is glitter all over my balls
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
