im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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