return my video game
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"it" just moved
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
