I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
