you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize