I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
