Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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