you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
