Need sex. Gaining weight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
