No stitches, just platelets and will power
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
