would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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