Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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