Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
