I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
