I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
