im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
