You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
