A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
