His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
