Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
