god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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