And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
