Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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