If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
