hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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