Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
