I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
