If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
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