why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
