Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
