She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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