Sponge bath it is.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think a kid would responsible me up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
