you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
