dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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