I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize