I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
