I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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