I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
