Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
