I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
