I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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