you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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