Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
