I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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