Welp...herpes.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
