Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
