If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
