well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
