Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
