dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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