Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
