Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
