Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
