hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
