Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
