When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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