Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
