Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
