just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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