remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
