Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
vagina is talking i cant
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
